Become Immortal With This One Neat Trick!

But don't tell anyone. Let's keep this a secret.

Immortality is always hyped as a good thing. That would be a difficult case to make:

• Everything familiar is gone.

• Human language is constantly changing, so you’re having to learn new ways of speaking all the time and you would still sound funny.

• There’s no one to share stories about the good old days except right-wing crazies who have it wrong anyway. Besides, they’re so pissed off.

• Everybody is calling you awful in history class, or worse, laughing at honored traditions. Like bathing in the blood of bulls. Or men greeting each other by kissing the other guy’s nipples. In the Iron Age, men cupped other men’s testicles as a way of saying “hello.” Just try that today. These young people, they don’t know what they are missing.

• What’s this “brushing your teeth” stuff? You’ve got smoothies now.

You see my point.

so when did this foot-washing thing become popular?

How to Become Immortal

But as sure as the human condition comes with an end, we extend our lives a century or more by the imp…